My dad is dying

6:30 AM

I have been awake since 5:30 just snuggled in the bed praying and thinking.

This is really a "thoughts flying through my head at lightening speed" post and some sad, and some please pray for my family post.

My dad is 88 yrs. old. He was a mean and brutal person. The scars that I carry inside is much much worse than any scars that would be visible. From the time of my childhood he went to church and taught Sunday School. Because of the way he was is one reason I became an athiest. I felt that no one that mean would be allowed to live if there really was a God.

When I got saved through Gods love I was able to forgive him. And I told him that I forgave him. But I do not have any father-daughter fieeling toward him. I love him with the love that God showed me.

My dad is in the VA hospital and he is dying. I feel no sorrow in my heart. That bothers me. I don't want him to suffer I pray God would ease him out of this world gently, but as the idea that my FATHER is dying I have no sorrow.


Is something wrong withme? He never cared about me at all , he was never a real daddy to me. He threw me and how I felt away. I do not feel revengeful nor do I feel hatred. It is almost like I am numb to it all. EXCEPT I am worried that there is something wrong with me because I do not feel anything at all.

God bless