The Lord defeats anger

I think that the Lord has shown me a great deal in the last few days. I realized I was angry at dad. I was so angry because he never cared.

He never wanted to be my father. And I was frightened -I was worried that perhaps I had acted in a way the if I died my family would not care. They would not be able to grieve because they would feel that there was no reason to grieve.

And I was angry with the preacher for going on and on about how he had been a Christian for 50 years and I wanted to throw up. he had not been a Christian and the way he was was one of the reasons that I became an athiest.

I called them and asked them to forgive me if I had done anything that would keep them from feeling sorrow when I died. That sounds so selfish, but really all you are when you die is the memories that you leave behind. I want my children to have many happy memories. The memories of my dad is bruised flesh, torn skin, hateful words. I had nightmares that just woke me screaming and crying for years.

The Lord took those from me, Praise God. The memories will fade.

I turn it all over to my God His hands only hold me close, His hands are not raised to hit and hurt. His hands are gentle and full of love.

So to ayone that is reading this. If you have done anything to anyone and you have a chance to make amends you really should do it. Especially to your family because you do not want their memories of you to bring them pain.