Eveytime SIL comes grson gets hyper very hard to calm down. Monday when sil was here gr-son was so hard to handle yelling and running and not listening like he was on speed or something. Sil was yelling at him and had swatted him -I waled out of the house and husband followed me. We could hear sil yelling and I turned around and came back in. Sil had grandson on the bed holding him by his shoulders and had his knee beside boy. (to anyone else reading baby is 6 yrs old) I knew he was restraining him, but sil has hit child before and left welts on his body and I lost it, I screamed to get his hands off of gr-son. At the top of my lungs I told him to get his hands off of that boy or I would turn him in. He said thats my child I told him to let him go and to get out of my house -sil would not leave, I know that he is an abusive father. My husband saw it all and he agrees, he said we need to turn him in.We are only hesitating because of daughter and gr. son. Daughter said sil would not hurt gr son. But yelling is hurting him and smaking him on his bare legs is abusing him. Sil says such rediculous things like this-once when they were here grandson ran past him and kicked sil on the leg (I think accidently) SIL kicked gr son. I called sil on it and sil said "he kicked me first-I said you are the adult and he said thats my child. Like he can do what he wants because its his child.
I feel like a rubber band that is being stretched all the time and I know my breaking point is coming.
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Joy, Turning your SIL in for yelling will not result in anything at all. That should be a part of the report, but not the first focus.
ReplyDeleteEmotional abuse (which is what yealling abusively is) is harmful, but Child protective services will not act on that (No matter what they say.)
HOWEVER, smacking a child so hard that it produces WELTS will be acted upon. Once you tell tham about the physical abuse/marks, THEN the emotional abuse examples will be very important and should certainly be included.
If you call in a report, start with the physical abuse, including the description of the child being so violently restrained, then the yelling/impatience/derogatory comments, etc. Grdsns behavior when SIL is there is also important.
I don't know what your home situation is r/t your daughter and grson, so I can't advice you re: whether ornot you should make a report.
For instance, I don't now how much contact the father actually has. If the SIL is not lving with the child pro/sers will give the situation different importance than if the father is with him most of the time.
They may do nothing but give a warning. If that. So, you must weigh the negative results you call might have with the danger youir grdson is in.
For instance, if the SIL sees him once a week at your house-and if your daughter would be so angry with you that she'd move back in with the SIL, well, the report may not help.
But if SIL has more regular visits or if your dtr is back living with him, that's an entirely different matter.
Here is what I can tell you: DOCUMENT dates and what happened (including physical results like welts) so that you can say exactly what happened, what adults that should be protecting the child did, the SIL's response. Pretty much what you did in this post.
Pro/sers WILL ask what your daughter does in response to the SIL. She is the child's mother and is responsible for his safety. If she prefers to defend her husband rather than her child, she needs a talking to--that failure would not go unnoticed by protective services. Neither will turning a blind eye or minimizing the danger.
If dtr admits that she is afraid of him and is afraid that her interference will just make things worse, that is different than her defending the SIL. But it's not okay. She must do whateveer she needs to do to protect her child.
Depending upon your dtr's response to an abuse call, protective services could provide some support to her so that she can do the right thing. I have no way of knowing what her response has generally been or what it would be.
Obviously, the SIL has a negative impact on grdson.
I'm praying for you and asking God to give you wisdom. I think the key here is how much contact the SIL actually has.
Prayers!
Please feel free to delete this comment. I understand that this is a very personal and painful situation.
Deb
God help you, Joy. Please know that people out there love you and your family, and are constantly praying for all of you and your wellbeing.
ReplyDeleteMiss you, Joy!!! *hug*
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